Pushing the Mule

For those of you who don’t know what I’m referring to, the title of this chapter is based an Indian (India Indian) expression which sounds better in its mother tongue, Urdu, but nonetheless makes its point. If you or someone you know has tried to push a mule or donkey up a road or path which it clearly refuses to do, you’ll understand why this name applies. Forcing a mule or donkey to do anything it doesn’t want to do is not only very frustrating it can be very hazardous to your health – think hoof kick.

So this leads me to my stubborn mule on the proverbial path. To protect the innocent, and most importantly myself I shall not name the corporations I cover as part of my job. But they all have something in common, they’re all based in the same city, well except one which is 90mins away, they all are in the manufacturing business and they all are very stubborn and mule like. At one point in their respective times, they were the kings of their road, now sadly they are clearly not. Some of them are self proclaimed “leaders in something” but as to what, we are all still wondering. This is where the Mule hits the road.

The behaviors of all my accounts is quite similar so I’ll use one as my “Mule.”

I’ve been engaged in this Mule account for over a year and have been well entrenched with the right people as opposed to the “wrong” people – although the fact I haven’t sold them anything yet makes me believe I’m still not talking to the “right” ones. Anyhow, as a vendor to the Mule, we’ve danced, courted and do all the things that one vendor does to sell product to the buyer. As anyone in high technology knows, selling as a technical side kick to the sales rep is always a joyous thing. They take the meetings, and we have to build the stuff that they promise – a tall order at times but nonetheless pretty standard across the high tech company scoreboard. The whole payout scheme is a fun discussion but that’s for another chapter at another time.

So back to our Mule Corporation – we’ve met numerous times, had several pre-meetings, meetings, post meetings, partner meetings, reseller meetings, finance meetings, concalls, and visio diagram discussions. By this point the rep is getting excited, his manager has forecasted this deal and yours truly has put together a bulletproof configuration that will make your neighbour’s wife with the new silicone enhancements longing for an upgrade. Everyone has this deal on the radar screen and so of course the pressure is on. The customer in this case is giving all the buy signals that one would expect to see, all the verbals you can imagine, about how strategic this is, and the clear value of solution proposesd, blah blah blah. Just one last thing…

That “one last” thing is usually the straw that breaks you know what. So of course, hoping this is the real one, this is the deal of the decade, we as a vendor make every effort to meet all objections posted by the customer’s technical staff, who usually are trying to make sure you know that they are smart and know more about your product than you do. That whole pissing contest is actually fine with me as long as they agree to buy something in the end. Just make a decision dammit!

Fast forward to now. The Mule hasn’t bought anything from our company in several years and most of the time it gets SO close you can smell the fax ink on the purchase order, but at the last minute, as usual – the project loses its funding or the decision to put it hold comes into play. This is much more frustrating than losing the deal to a competitor.

Let me explain, I know some of you are probably thinking what the hell is he talking about?

See, as a techy guy I like to see people move forward, embrace new methods, new technologies and new ventures. I think it’s a cool thing to see procedures and practices get changed or improved as technology and science get better. So from a pure technology point of view, when a potential customer throws an RFI (request for information) or RFP (request for proposal) to the vendors – it’s a sign of a few things i) progressive thinking ii) plan to improve something iii) get better pricing.

Pricing aside, it’s a good thing for everyone to see companies improving their standards and procedures. The theory says that should help the economy and of course make things for consumers better. Well – that part I’ll leave to the professionals. All I’m saying is, when a company embarks down a project path and asks for outside vendor input for improvement for a fee, we all come to the dance.

The Mule shows up in my case more often than not with the fact that the decision has been steadily that no decision will be made, the project has been shelved. As one would expect, it puts all vendors who tried to answer the RFP right into the dumpster. We spend cycles trying to answer something they requested and they decide to stay their current course which usually is old, antiquated and not really making them money. The short of it is, they get in their own way.

This is the fun filled hell I face every day – I get so close, very close and then at the very last second it seems that I’ll have more luck getting my sales rep to cook me breakfast than I will in getting a deal signed.

After hours of frustration which leads to anger, profuse swearing and mental exhaustion, I realize. What my father said about my younger siblings is now coming to haunt me. At one point I remember his frustration with our lack of enthusiasm for school, not just going to school but finding that focus or goal that would lead to a professional career of some sort. He said to me “Getting your brother and sister to get through school is like pushing a mule up a hill” At the time, I thought I was very funny and laughed heartedly.

Ten years later, I realize my quagmire. I am pushing the mule.